The West Top Ten List

Top 10 Things My Husband Does That I Don't Understand

1. Makes 10 trips to Lowe's in one weekend instead of writing a list and going once.
2. Measures the length and width of a wall before hanging a picture - just eyeball that sucker!
3. Uses his shop vac anytime I ask him to vacuum the floor even though we have a very nice Kennmore.
4. Wraps every package he mails to relatives in gift wrap first, then re-wraps it in brown grocery bags (logo inside out, of course) before mailing.
5. Insists on cocooning himself in the flannel sheets he's had for 20 years even after I've specifically gone out and bought new flannel sheets for our bed.
6. Washes his hair with Ivory bar soap.
7. Insists on keeping his rusted out, raggedy, broke-down mountain bike in the garage even though its in pieces and completely unusable.
8. Ditto for the doors, window screens, plywood, cardboard boxes and various bits of wood that aren't being used for anything other than getting in my way every time I try to get in or out of the car when parking in the garage.
9. Refusing to use reading glasses, so that I end up having to read menus, labels, small print in advertisements, newspaper articles, etc. for him.
10. Hand washes every plate, glass, utensil, dish, and pan with soap and hot water before putting them in the dishwasher and running a wash cycle.

Top 10 Things That I Do That My Husband Looks at Me Like I've Lost My Mind:

1. Changing the kids' clothes after he's picked something out for them to wear (that would be because he's colorblind and pattern-blind thus, tending to mix pastels with primary colors and plaid shorts with striped shirts).
2. Not measuring spices or other ingredients when cooking.
3. Re-hanging clothes so that the shirts and sweaters are all facing the same direction and are organized according to season, type (t-shirt, polo, button-down, etc.) and color.
4. Ditto for the sock drawer.
5. Folding clothes very neatly and placing them in a laundry basket before taking them to and putting them away in drawers or hanging them in the closet (btw, I do this so that if I'm unable to put them away right after I fold them, they will still be wrinkle-free when I DO get a chance to do so).
6. Suggesting we renovate anything in the house or redecorating so that it looks more stylish.
7. Researching every major purchase to the point of obsession for weeks or months before eventually deciding to buy it.
8. Stacking pots, pans, glasses, plastic containers, etc.  according to size before putting them away in a cabinet.
9. Coloring my hair, painting my nails, plucking my eyebrows or any other beauty improvement that is somehow painful, tedious or superficial.
10. Watching any reality t.v. especially, but not limited to, "Teen Mom," "Sixteen and Pregnant," "Mob Wives," and "Real Housewives of _______."